Emotional intelligence is an important aspect to the evolution of your inner rockstar. Emotional intelligence or EI is not about being happy or sad but what you do when you are happy or sad and how you transition from emotion to emotion. Webster’s New World Dictionary describes intelligence as, “a) ability to learn or understand from experience: ability to acquire and retain knowledge; mental ability, b) use of the faculty of reason in solving problems, directing conduct, c)measured success in using these abilities.” According to PsychologyToday.com Dr. John D Mayer emotional intelligence is awareness of how we get from one emotion to another and how choose to get in and out of emotions. Dan Goleman, in his article, “Are Women More Emotionally Intelligent than Men?” says, “Emotional Intelligence has four parts: self-awareness, managing our emotions, empathy, and social skill.”
Emotional Intelligence is about actions taken upon an emotional event. Successful men and women are equally emotionally intelligence contrary to popular opinion. There are many undefined human emotions. Experts have created a short list of 23 emotions that is seemingly applicable, easy to identify with and to use.
| · Joy/ Knowledge/ Empowerment | · Contentment | · Doubt | · Hatred/ Rage |
| · Passion | · Boredom | · Worry | · Jealousy |
| · Enthusiasm/ Eagerness/ Happiness | · Pessimism | · Blame | · Insecurity/ Guilt |
| · Positive Expectations/ Belief | · Frustration/ Irritation/ Impatience | · Discouragement | · Unworthiness |
| · Optimism | · Overwhelmed | · Anger | · Fear/ Grief/ Depression/ Despair / Powerlessness |
| · Hopefulness | · Disappointment | · Revenge |
Proficiency in emotional control comes from practice like learning to drive a car. Remember learning to read with flashcards? You learned to identify a car by its illustrated picture symbol on the flashcard with the letters c-a-r in bold type beneath it. Each time you rode in a car you were reminded of this symbol word connection. After what probably seemed like an eternity you were able to take driver’s education. With practice in simulators and on the road you learned how to drive. The challenges of learning the visual landmarks that identified our route home, to school, or your favorite hangout was overcome in time. It was only a matter of time before you became proficient in our driving skills and could successfully drive while thinking about other things besides the mechanics of driving. Emotional intelligence comes with practice and with practice comes proficiency. After a short while new emotional connections and desired responses to events will become automatic.
The key is to slow the process down enough to identify with each emotion. People move through several emotions at a time as they sort an event. Reading the table from top to bottom beginning with the left column we see joy at the top of the emotional range and fear as the last category on the list.
Emotional Intelligence can be improved in three easy steps.
1. Notice how you are feeling right now.
2. Identify a feel that you desire more than the one you are currently feeling.
3. Remember a time when you felt the desired feeling or imagine what it would feel like and soak in as much detail as you can paying close attention to the details. Remain in the desired feeling as long as possible as often as possible until it has become your current feeling.
Emotions can be a guide to how to evaluate events and empower our choices about how we respond. Just like flashcards are effective in learning how to read and understand our world through language; emotional awareness is effective in learning how to use our emotions as a guide to understanding our responses to events.
Related PsychologyToday.com Links:
What Emotional Intelligence is and is not, http://www.psychologytoday.com/collections/201111/what-is-your-emotional-iq/what-emotional-intelligence-is-and-is-not
Are Women More Emotionally Intelligent Than Men? http://www.psychologytoday.com/collections/201111/emotional-intelligence/are-women-more-emotionally-intelligent-men
What is Your Emotional Intelligence? http://www.psychologytoday.com/collections/201111/what-is-your-emotional-iq/which-you-which-intelligence
